There are, as we all know, tonnes of books out there to advise, help, guide and support us through those special, precious, exhausting and often challenging early years as a parent. Yep, parenting books. That’s great. Really great. Perhaps you’ve read some, or none or lots, either way, I bet you’ve never read anything quite so funny and brutally honest as this superb latest book.
Well, what is this sensational book I am talking about you may wonder?
Is it written by a parenting guru? Is it written by a mum?
Well, the book I’m talking about is actually written by a mum and dad that are pretty awesome. A mother and papa Pukka to be exact. They have 2 young daughters, Mae (four years) and Eve (two months).
I have been following Mother Pukka on her parenting journey for ages now and it only seems right to share with you an extract from their latest offering to the world, which by the way was written half by mother and half by papa. Sounds fair!
‘It’s when you find yourself traveling solo on a packed commuter train with a Percy pig-pumped toddler and a colicky newborn acting like an angry vole. You’re sat in the bit next to the rancid loos, the iPad battery is at four percent, your boobs resemble empty Capri-sun pouches and all the people on the train hate you. ‘I need a poo’ is hollered in your face as your hair gets used a bungee cord. You prepare to dangle the toddler over an aluminum pan with one handle while the flailing vole is clasped under your other armpit like a rugby ball…
You can feel your postpartum stomach escaping from your leggings like butter icing out of a bakers’ piping bag. A bead of sweat trickles down your nose into the loo as ‘I don’t need the toilet now’ is bellowed out. Returning to your rice cake-smattered seat, you find an old Boots receipt for haemorrhoid cream in your pocket and a biro in your nappy bag which offers up four minutes and 46 seconds of silence from the Percy Pig-addled one as the angry vole suckles once more and you realise that you are in fact, parenting the shi*t out of life”.
“When you tell male friends (on expecting), you tend to get two reactions. The dads manage to force some life back into their eyes to tell you how ‘amazing’ it is, with all the conviction of a man who’s invested the mortgage money into a dodgy pyramid scheme and will only get it back if he convinces 72 others to do the same. The non-dads offer congratulations but you can see their disappointment. They know you’ll be out less and that when you are, you’ll be looking all smug because you’ve managed to turn a sperm into a person”.
Well, there you have it. A Funny, Honest, Parenting Book.